I have been off my antidepressants for two months and I feel great. I knew they were not serving me anymore and it was time to slowly end my relationship with them. I had this sneaking suspicion the medication was preventing me from feeling things in my life. I was right because the medication was managing anxiety I have always denied I had.
What I was denying was an anxiety disorder and I was right to deny that because anxiety does not inhibit me from living my life. At the same time there is a current of anxiety running through me and if I am not paying attention the current will run my life for me. Anxiety comes with a lot of fears and I am aware of my fears now more than ever.
Anxiety and fear go hand in hand. It is impossible to experience anxiety without experiencing fear of something. When a person is anxious, she may not always feel like she is scared but the anxiety is rooted in fear. Anxiety triggers our fight or flight response and we start to feel like something is wrong and we are unsafe. This is where we begin. We start to tell ourselves we are safe and we are not in danger. It is not easy but our minds are very powerful and they send messages to our bodies. If we can change those messages and redirect them to the body, we can start to change our response to anxiety.
It is not easy work but our minds and bodies deserve the truth. We are practicing telling our bodies the truth because we are safe and we are not in danger during most of the anxiety we experience in our day-to-day lives. When we are anxious we are living in the future and the future is full of uncertainty and it leads us to feel even more anxious. The future does not have any answers. We cannot make all the uncertain things certain but that is a blog post from a different day (https://loveoverfear.blog/2017/09/20/embracing-uncertainty/).
Uncertainty is difficult and it should be our practice not to buy into it. When we feel ourselves going there, wondering about all the what ifs, we bring ourselves back to the now. When we feel ourselves buying into our anxiety, worrying about what will be, we remind ourselves that we are safe right now in this moment. It all comes down to being present in this moment and allowing ourselves to be here. In the present moment there is no room for uncertainty, anxiety, and fear, there is only room for what already is.