It is Sunday. I am sitting here in the dark because the sun has yet to rise and I am trying to take it all in. I am here. I am trying to not let my mind go to the million things it is trying to figure out. I am trying to redirect my mind and myself back to this moment. I keep peeking outside because my favorite part of my morning routine is watching the sunrise from the window in my room. It is not a great view but it is a view nonetheless. The sunrise ends this quiet times and begins the day. Today, I want the quiet and darkness to last a little bit longer.
Lately, as soon as my days begin, my stress level rises. I start to think when am I going to do this, how am I going to do that, etc. My brain begins to scramble and tries to figure out the whole day and sometimes it stretches beyond today and tries to figure out tomorrow, next week, and next month. When this happens, I am stuck with this stress all day and I am constantly feeling like I am not good enough. I feel like what I am doing is not good enough or simply not enough. My day turns into a cycle of me struggling to feel good enough while in a constant state of stress.
Today, I say no more. Yes, I am stressed but it is not because I am not enough or I am not doing enough. I am stressed because I have the GRE in a week and a yoga class to teach in early February. I am stressed because these things take a lot of courage and they are both big steps to further my dreams and I think that is where the stress stems from. I am not stressed because of what could go wrong or because I think I may fail, I am stressed because of what could go right. I am stressed because when everything works out I will be one step closer to my dreams coming true.
I am no longer going to let chasing my dreams turned me into a stressed person. Yes, I may feel stress and nerves but that does not mean I have to turn into a person who is stressed out about everything. I have a choice and a say in how I feel each day.
Today, I choose to not feel stressed or anxious. I choose to feel gratitude in pursuing my dreams. I choose to pursue them with excitement and longing. I choose only to do the next right thing one thing at a time. I choose to have a good day because I have a good life. I am exactly where I need to be doing exactly what I need to be doing.