I have done love

“When I get to the end of my life and I ask one final ‘What have I done?’ Let my answer be: I have done love. Not: I have done perfect.” – Jen Pastiloff

Perfectionism does not lead to happiness. Perfectionism is rooted in the fear of not being enough. Perfectionism leads to people to believe if they do everything perfectly, they will be enough, perfect and happy. That line of thinking could not be further from the truth.

I used to think being perfect was the goal but I stop trying to be perfect because I learned that perfection is not attainable and does not get you closer to what you want. Because perfectionism is getting in the way of what we all really want which is to be loved and to feel we belong just as we are. When we strive to be perfect, we are getting farther away from ourselves and from the things that make this life beautiful.

Our self-worth is not tied to anything, although we mistakenly believe it is. We are enough just as we are. There is no amount of perfection, failure, struggle, shame, etc., that is ever going to change that simple truth. But those things will lead you away from knowing and understanding you are enough just as you are.

Instead of striving to be perfect, we should be striving to be real and authentic. Love is based in authenticity. When we bring are real selves forward and we get real with people, either one of two things happen; people will either be authentic with you in return or turn the other way.

Being real brings us closer to love and belonging. It brings us to the people who also believe they are enough just as they are and to the people who are brave enough to put their real selves out into the world. When we bring who we really are to the table, we can be seen and loved for exactly who we are. Being real is choosing love over fear. It is acknowledging whatever fears exist and stepping over them because anything good and real is on the other side of fear and perfectionism.

I strive to choose love over fear, being real and authentic over being perfect. It is a struggle. Sometimes we forget we are enough just as we are. But once we know, we can always come back to it. Then at the end of our lives, we can say we have done love.

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