I posted yesterday about how I am yearning to write a book. But I deleted it because I felt ashamed because I don’t feel good enough to write a book. I keep asking myself, who the hell are you? Who are you to want to write a book? Who are you to write a book about other people? Who will read it? You have nothing original to say, your experiences are not special. This has been done before, no one will like it. People will hate you for writing about them. It goes on and on and on.
I know those thoughts were what the fear and shame voices are saying. I have been buying into them. I know nothing those voices say is true. I am enough just as I am and I can write a book. I can write a book about anything and anyone I want. I know my experiences are special because they are mine. I know what I have to say will be original because it is coming from my point of view.
I know these voices are trying to talk me out of beginning to write this book. Putting my work out into the world is scary. I am subjecting myself to endless criticism but I am my biggest critic. Millions of people write books each year and nothing happens to these books because people gave into the fear and shame voices. Fear and shame can talk you out of anything new if you let them. Fear should not be the boss of any situation, truth and love should be.
Writing is not about what other people think or what will become of my writing. I write for me and to make sense of my life. I have seen a story emerge after reading my writing from the past few months. I know I have a story to tell, I know I have something worth sharing. I know fear and shame will be constant companions on this journey but I am the one in charge of where we are going.
I believe God provides a story for each of us to tell. I have a feeling I am stumbling across the story I am being asked to tell. I am very scared but I know fear is the natural reaction of getting closer to the truth. I could easily let fear and shame talk me out of writing the story I feel I am being called to write but then I would have to stop calling myself a writer. If I am not writing and sharing the story I am meant to tell, then I am not a writer. But I am a writer and I will write this story.