The past few months have been stressful but the past few months have been good too. Deciding to move home was not a hard decision to make but it was a hard decision to honor. It was not easy to continuously honor the choice to move home. There were a lot of times when it seemed easier to change my mind about moving home. At times, it seemed easier to stay put in California than it did to shake up my entire life.
But I did shake up my entire life. I did move home. Since I decided to move home, every turn of events did not surprise me even when it should have because every turn of events was the next right thing. I have been confused as to why I do not feel sad and why I do not miss the way my life was before, my life in San Diego, the life I had spent years planning. I am not sad because everything worked out exactly as it was supposed to. I not only believe that but I know it to be true.
Moving home was a big decision but I thought about it for months. I was never sure and somewhere along the way I told myself when I knew for sure, I would have to honor it. That time came and I did honor it. Since that day, my life has never been the same. It has been a whirlwind. Everything I thought was going to happen didn’t and things I didn’t think could happen did. I entered this zone where everything was moving so fast, every decision was so important, and every decision would affect the rest of my life.
I am still in this zone, maybe this zone is just life. I have been so busy trying to figure everything out and make sense of everything that has happened that somewhere along the way I forgot to look at what I created for myself. I forgot to be grateful and to express gratitude. As I was driving over the Verrazano Bridge on my way back from my cousins the other night, I was overwhelmed by gratitude. I kept thinking this is what I moved home for. I moved home so I could go spend weekends with my cousins. I moved home so I wouldn’t have to miss birthdays, communions, any important or not so important events ever again. Driving home, I realized how incredibly grateful and proud I am. I am grateful for my family and I am proud of myself. I am so happy I made the decision to move home and I am glad I continued to honor it even when it seemed impossible.
I cannot explain why I left in the first place but I think part of me always knew I needed to go away to come home for good. It is not that I didn’t know how important family is but it took a couple of years to realize there is nothing better and there is nothing more important. I believe the most important thing I learned from my dad is the meaning and importance of family. I am extremely grateful he stressed the importance of family, not necessarily with his words but by surrounding me constantly and consistently with people who love me. I am grateful that never changed even after my dad’s passing.
Family is the most important thing. When me and my brother were younger and we would fight my grandma used to say, Emma you may not appreciate your brother now but someday you will because he will be all you have. She was right. This is true about family in general. We belong to each other, even when we fight and disagree, we belong to each other. Connection with those who matter most is what makes this life possible. Connection is what we are on this earth to do. Whatever else we do in this life, it all begins by connecting with others. Life was not designed to be done alone. People are meant to come together because we all rise together. Life is better and life is a tiny bit easier if surround ourselves with people who love us and support us because we belong to each other.